When I found out that my health was bad enough that I was going to make it better or die, I had to figure out my first step toward taking care of myself. I’ll want to tell you what my first step was. This was the beginning of a long journey that I’m on to be as authenticly me as I can be.
The first step is the hardest. That’s a cliche for a reason. It’s true. It doesn’t mean that the remaining steps aren’t hard, but the first is definitely the hardest. My partner said we needed a gym. Seriously? Ok. First step – find a gym. Ugh. Me no like-y.
Truth be told, I didn’t like the idea because I was terrified! Me? In a gym? With all the people who looked like they didn’t really need the gym? Muscles bulging? YIKES! I was terrified. And intimidated. Surely they would stare at me. Probably make fun of me. But here’s the thing. All of those thoughts combined terrified me (slightly) less than dying. Soon. Or even worse, being really sick and in extreme pain before it took me a really long time to die. That possibility had crossed my mind too. So, as ignoble as it was, fear gave me enough courage to take the first step into a gym.
I lifted weights in college, so I knew that I could be really strong. Even “for a girl.” I’d been around a gym before. I could give some gym swagger. (If you know me, you probably just snarfed coffee out of your nose – sorry.) I found a gym and started with a trainer. He stood me up the second time around. Hungover. (Him, not me.) Nice. Thanks, dude. Clearly I’m slack ass enough for both of us – your slack ass-ness is not helping.
I mention this only because this would have been the perfect opportunity for me to give up. But I didn’t. On to trainer number two.
My second, and current, trainer put me on the elliptical at Level I and I was checking the timer at 2 minutes wondering if I was done (or dead) yet. After we had been to work out with him several times, he asked if we wanted to go out to dinner. Holy crap!!! Out to dinner with the trainer??? Why? Why could he possibly want to go to dinner with us? Did he want to see what we would eat? Was this some sort of test or judgment? Before I could stammer, “ummm, I’m pretty sure we’re busy,” the P (partner – I’ve picked this nickname) happily accepted. Geez, this was going to be excruciating. Long story short, we had a great time – it was nothing that I feared it would be. And we became great friends with our trainer.
Over the next two years, I learned so much about diet, nutrition, and exercise from him. And I continue to learn from him.
This intense journey took me almost two years, but I lost 120 lbs through good old fashioned hard work. And while I was blessed to have the luxury of a trainer, the hard work was still mine. 120lbs. later – I was super strong and at 27% body fat – perfectly respectable and happy with where I was. I was the strongest woman my trainer trained and one of the strongest at our gym! Better yet, NO MORE MEDICAL problems. No medications!
Authenticity Requires Courage
Ironically, fear gave me the courage to start this journey. And courage and determination kept me going. I found the courage to step into the gym in the first place. Courage got me through the humiliation of the first “fitness evaluation” that was required before I started with a trainer. I mustered the courage to go to dinner with our trainer and forge a great friendship. I had the courage to come back day after day after day. I came back even when muscles were sore. I kept going even when my whole body was tired. I had the courage to talk to a lot of people, ask a lot of questions of my trainer, do a lot of research – which led to wisdom. Not perfection, but wisdom. I mustered the courage to speak to people and make friends at the gym. Without exception, everyone was welcoming, friendly and encouraging.
After loosing the weight, I wanted to keep working and loose another 10 lbs. or so, but given where I had started I wasn’t stressing about it.
During my journey, I learned a ton of tips, tricks, and hacks – both physical and emotional. I experienced great successes and many failures. And I learned that I had more courage than I ever expected to have. I’m going to share them all with you. But what I can’t share is a magic pill. Or an Amazon link. That I don’t know about. Courage, hard work, dedication, and time commitment – I know about. Knowing when is the time for authenticity, I know about.
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